It's 2:30 in the morning one week before I'm supposed to walk down the aisle and change my life forever. Not just my life, Luke's, my family's lives, his family's lives, our friends' lives. And I'm starting to freak out. A smidge. Ok, a giant smidge. A huge pit in my stomach. But this is normal right? Everyone feels this way, right? That's what women have told me. But Luke? He's great! Not a care in the world. Which should make me feel great, the fact that my love has no doubts whatsoever about our new life changes. But instead I feel even worse because if he's so sure of this, why am I having these doubts? I feel guilty almost for worrying, which in turn makes me feel worse. I can't wait to be married, but what if I'm horrible at it? What if it's not like we think it will be and one day he changes his mind? Or what if I do? I knew from the moment I met Luke that he was going to be the one to change my life, but am I ready to let go of who I've always been? I've been Kendle Sisk for 23 years and I think she's pretty awesome, but in one week I will be Kendle Starcher and who is she? I guess in ways I'm nothing like the girl who scrambled to leave this town in the dust 5 years ago, but I'm also still a lot like her. I still feel more lost than I do found most of the time. I still have no idea what I'm heading towards, what my end goal will be. The girl that left was reckless, fearless, scared, tired, frustrated, rebellious, broken, lost, and looking to never return. I was running headlong into the wind and I was free. Now all I do is try and please everyone, try to cooperate and say all the right things and do all the right things. In Greenville I had my friends, my job, my home, my life. Now, I just have Luke. As exciting as that should be, I've never not had a backup plan or had my own thing going on and all I feel is terrified. I know once the wedding is over and we can settle into a routine, I'll be fine. I'll have a house to work on, recipes to learn, and a new life to begin. It's just all of this wedding stress from my loony bin family that is making me feel like I'm drowning. At the end of the day, I love Luke and I know that's all that matters. I just have to get this wedding over with.
No one ever tells you that growing up is as hard as it is.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
If you're anything like me, you loooove a good ridiculous TLC special. Hence my title today, with a nod towards those crazy Duggers! Anyway, today I found myself being sucked into "Here Come's Honey Boo Boo". It was like a slow motion horrifying train wreck, I wanted to look away and change the channel, but I just couldn't. They were at a redneck reunion of sorts and having belly flop contests and bobbing for pig's feet. It was incredible! If you are not familiar with Honey Boo Boo, she is one of the stars of Toddler's and Tiaras, and she is straight craaaazy!! A good example of that is below. You can thank me later.
On to other fun topics, my bachelorette party was two weekends ago and it was soooooo much fun! My amazing best and oldest friend, Lindsey, organized everything and it was such a blast. We all met in Raleigh at the hotel and started out with drinks and some much needed girl talk. We then went to a pole dancing class at Triangle Pole Fitness and really enjoyed it! The instructor was awesome and we all left thoroughly sore but feeling sassy! We had dinner at The Cheesecake Factory and went on to this bar downtown called Solas. I had so much fun and it was so wonderful to get all the girls together. Last weekend Lindsey also threw a bachelorette party for her college friend, Tiffany, who is getting married at the end of September in Charlotte. Linds is pulling double MOH duties during the month of September! We had dinner at Blackfinn's in the Epicenter (which was delicious!!) and then went up to Suite. Suite thinks an awful lot of themselves to not have any seating you don't have to pay for and expensive beers so instead of hanging around there, we went next door to Howl At The Moon and had a blast! They have a live piano band that can literally play any song you request and super cheap drink specials.
This past weekend, my aunts threw Luke and I a "His & Her's Fiesta" at the lake house and it was so wonderful. We got all kinds of goodies! Now I just have to get on top of writing all those thank you notes and figuring out how we're going to squeeze our stuff into our tiny house!
What have you been doing with your weekends?