My friends have babies.

I have always been deeply against being pregnant. A small part of me always figured I would have a family, but I've never wanted to be pregnant. All the body changes and new things you constantly have to be aware of. No wine, no lunch meat. I mean, it's not like any of that sounds appealing to a girl, you know? I do love a good stretchy pant, but that's hardly a selling point on being a human incubator for me. Call me selfish, I probably am. At least I know it up front.

The thing is, I'm now at the age where my friends are starting to have babies because they want to. Granted, two of them weren't exactly planned. But still, we're all married, working, and have stable places to live so getting pregnant isn't as devastating as it would have been when we were younger and poorer and not ready. We are, in all senses "ready". It's just so strange to think that I'm now at an age where I could totally take care of a small human and not be pitied in the grocery store.

All of this is coming up because Luke just told me we have another set of friends just finding out they are pregnant. Of our close friends here in town, we're going to be the only ones not with kids besides my best friend Stacey. She and her boyfriend haven't been together that long though and she's on the same page I am so I doubt she's joining the party any time soon. Although I am so excited for our friends and their adorable new little bundles, I'm already feeling nostalgic for the fun we had when it was just us. Being able to wake up on a Saturday and decide in ten minutes that we're going to spend the whole day on the lake, supplied only with a loaf of bread, lunch meat and a case of beer. Or deciding on a Friday night that we are going on a weekend getaway and just grabbing the first bag we find and hopping in the car.

My friends are having babies and I'm not ready yet. I really love my life how it is now, I'm not ready for this sweet part to be over yet. Maybe I am selfish.

Where I'm going.

My current job is in corporate retail. I feel the need to tell you that so you can follow along. If you're lucky enough to be unfamiliar with this world, just think "Devil wears Prada". It's pretty spot on. I always thought this was where I would want to spend my days. Sometimes I have days where it's glamorous and fun and I get to be really creative and I think to myself, "See, you were right to want this!" but then those moments quickly pass. Now I know, that as a grown up, work isn't always about having fun. There are going to be days you hate dealing with morons who make you question your very existence. What I'm talking about here is the bone-deep-soul-crushing knowledge that this is not the place for you. You know that feeling? Sometimes it happens when my gps lies to me and I wind up in the hood instead of the restaurant I'm meeting my friend at. This is much more serious than that. Thing is- I don't know what I'm going to do about it. 

I want to work for myself. I know I'm good at things and smart enough to figure it out. I'm just having a life crisis over here, folks. Don't mind me. 

This little house of mine.

I'm failing miserably at my own challenge! Work has been ridiculously crazy the past month or so, but it's no excuse! I actually just started a new job with an awesome new boss so hopefully I can start to have some of my life back... But anyways, I digress.

Luke and I moved into our new house Easter weekend and literally since January I have been dying to plant some cucumbers. There is absolutely NOTHING better than a homegrown cucumber. I could live off those things. So naturally, we don't plant them right away. There is a perfect garden spot along our driveway, but it requires tilling and in fairness, we didn't really get moved until too late in the season to start a garden from scratch. So instead Luke built me these boxes for raised beds. I have no green thumb. Like at all. It's blacker than black, but still, every year I'm hopeful this will be the year something lives. The first bed we planted is just okra and pumpkins, Luke's favorites. We planted these on May 17. I took this picture on May 29 so only 12 days later! We're already making progress! I owe you a more recent shot, I'll keep you posted. 

The second box is planted with tomatoes, watermelons, jalapeños, cucumbers and spaghetti squash. We planted it on Memorial Day Monday, May 25 and look! Sprouts already! Yes, yes, I'll get you more updated pics. Geez.

Challenge accepted!

Last week I turned 26. And I also realized, I'm a terrible blogger. Time that changed though. My challenge for 26 is to write a post at least once a week, every week. 

I started this blog so I could document my life as it happened to me. That's exactly what I plan on doing. I think it's pretty funny. I hope you will too!

What am I doing with my life?

Oh, but some of them are.

I think I'm having a crisis. A holy-crap-I'm-going-to-be-25-this-week crisis. And what am I going to do with my life? It doesn't help that my husband and I ask ourselves this question everyday. 

But seriously, what AM I going to do with my life?

These are the things I know;

I want a house. With a dishwasher and a porch. 

I want to quit my job in the most glorious fashion. 

I want to be my own boss. 

Thing is, I can't have them all. So I'm stuck. Which one do I want the most?

There's all this pressure to persue great things, do great things, live big, make every day count. These ideas make me feel really guilty when I just want to spend the day in my pajamas watching binge watching scandal. 

I'll get my shit together, I just don't know where to start. 

So basically this whole entry is just me freaking out. Sorry. Not really. 

Dammit people. Stop asking me. 

Yours Truly,

A 24 yr old hot mess. 

It sorta snuck up on me...

I am an old married lady!

This wasn't supposed to happen to me!
But today, I went shopping with one of my best friends, and was back in my house at 6:30, and was exhausted! I am such a loser! Well, maybe I've always been a loser and just didn't want to admit it.

Anyways, more to my point, earlier Stace and I were talking about how we seriously need to start exercising. I'm not really any bigger than I've always been, I'm just a completely different shape! And I have no idea when this happened. Well, it might have something to do with the fact that I sit at my desk in front of a computer pretty much non-stop from 7:30 am to about 5:30 pm every day, drive home, make dinner, sit on the couch eating said dinner and then remain sitting on the couch with Luke while we watch the news and then our shows until it's time to take a shower and go to bed.
But seriously, this is getting unacceptable.

So while we were shopping, we decided to change things so we bought some really inspiring Under Armour  tights/leggings from Belk to get us off the couch and in the working out mood. Since it's rare that I get the house to myself for a few hours, when I came home, I pulled on my new tights and started youtubing workout videos.

I did two 10 minute yoga videos by Tara Stiles (look her up!) and then, feeling fit and brave, I clicked on a 7 minute video titled "Love your Legs routine with Karena". Mistake. First off, the first 2 minutes are of these gorgeous-super-fit-big-boobed-tiny-waisted girls running around in bikinis on the beach. I felt like a beached whale. Then you get to the video and she's wearing some sort of push up sports bra, tights, and leg warmers. She's gorgeous. Flash over to me in my leggings, baggy hoodie and pony tail, it's disappointing to say the least. She does a few floor routines flashing her million dollar perfectly white smile the whole time. She doesn't even look flustered. I'm sweaty and gasping for breath. It's just sad really. 

So now I'm on to the next challenge. I need to just find a workout class near me so that I can be surrounded by other people trying, no just my own heavy breathing and the two dogs in the living room. What is your favorite type of workout? Give a girl some suggestions!

the things you're afraid of

Well folks, here I am! Almost 7 months of marriage and I'm still breathing! Actually we both are. That's a miracle in itself. 

I do want to apologize for that long absence there. I mean, what kind of person has a blog but never writes anything? Geez. I was pretty busy though with the whole drastic life change and all. But now I'm feeling like I got my shit back together, so it shouldn't happen again. (at least I'm not planning on it happening again...)

First off, I would like to brag on myself a bit. I've managed to snag a good start on a dream career. That's right, you heard me! I just started my third week of being the Merchandise Assistant for women's active wear and swim at Belk! (<--check it out!) Granted, I'm the low man on the totem pole, and will most likely stay that way for at least a year, but I'm on totem pole. More than I can say for some. I just have to pay my dues to get where I'm going. Along with starting off my career, I've learned how to shop for groceries. Not like swing through Walmart when I'm starving and buy a pizza and enough wine to get me through my next paycheck. Like really buy groceries like a grownup. I plan a week's worth of dinners and lunches and buy groceries accordingly. The quality of my dinners may not quite be that grown-up, but still, I'm doing it. We have dinner every night (usually homemade) and are spending no more than $50 a week on grocery shopping. Yay me! 

Second, being married is amazing. Absolutely amazing. I was so worried that it would be so hard to go from completely independent to completely dependent, but it really wasn't that bad. Don't get me wrong, I had my meltdown the Monday after the honeymoon when I was trying to unpack my boxes and figure out where I was going to put 50 pounds of shoes in a 1 pound closet. Luke has been amazing. He has never pressured me to get a job just simply because we need the money. He was completely supportive of me waiting to find what I wanted. I was so worried I would be a horrible home maker and wife that he would change his mind about me. But our house could be disgusting and we could have cereal for dinner every night and it wouldn't matter one bit to him. (usually I'm super feminist, but I didn't want him to immediately regret his decision, geez)

Anyways, this is really just a rant about how I was so SO afraid of not being ready to "lose" myself to marriage, when really I've found a person I'm completely in love with..

My new grown-up self.