It sorta snuck up on me...

I am an old married lady!

This wasn't supposed to happen to me!
But today, I went shopping with one of my best friends, and was back in my house at 6:30, and was exhausted! I am such a loser! Well, maybe I've always been a loser and just didn't want to admit it.

Anyways, more to my point, earlier Stace and I were talking about how we seriously need to start exercising. I'm not really any bigger than I've always been, I'm just a completely different shape! And I have no idea when this happened. Well, it might have something to do with the fact that I sit at my desk in front of a computer pretty much non-stop from 7:30 am to about 5:30 pm every day, drive home, make dinner, sit on the couch eating said dinner and then remain sitting on the couch with Luke while we watch the news and then our shows until it's time to take a shower and go to bed.
But seriously, this is getting unacceptable.

So while we were shopping, we decided to change things so we bought some really inspiring Under Armour  tights/leggings from Belk to get us off the couch and in the working out mood. Since it's rare that I get the house to myself for a few hours, when I came home, I pulled on my new tights and started youtubing workout videos.

I did two 10 minute yoga videos by Tara Stiles (look her up!) and then, feeling fit and brave, I clicked on a 7 minute video titled "Love your Legs routine with Karena". Mistake. First off, the first 2 minutes are of these gorgeous-super-fit-big-boobed-tiny-waisted girls running around in bikinis on the beach. I felt like a beached whale. Then you get to the video and she's wearing some sort of push up sports bra, tights, and leg warmers. She's gorgeous. Flash over to me in my leggings, baggy hoodie and pony tail, it's disappointing to say the least. She does a few floor routines flashing her million dollar perfectly white smile the whole time. She doesn't even look flustered. I'm sweaty and gasping for breath. It's just sad really. 

So now I'm on to the next challenge. I need to just find a workout class near me so that I can be surrounded by other people trying, no just my own heavy breathing and the two dogs in the living room. What is your favorite type of workout? Give a girl some suggestions!

the things you're afraid of

Well folks, here I am! Almost 7 months of marriage and I'm still breathing! Actually we both are. That's a miracle in itself. 

I do want to apologize for that long absence there. I mean, what kind of person has a blog but never writes anything? Geez. I was pretty busy though with the whole drastic life change and all. But now I'm feeling like I got my shit back together, so it shouldn't happen again. (at least I'm not planning on it happening again...)

First off, I would like to brag on myself a bit. I've managed to snag a good start on a dream career. That's right, you heard me! I just started my third week of being the Merchandise Assistant for women's active wear and swim at Belk! (<--check it out!) Granted, I'm the low man on the totem pole, and will most likely stay that way for at least a year, but I'm on totem pole. More than I can say for some. I just have to pay my dues to get where I'm going. Along with starting off my career, I've learned how to shop for groceries. Not like swing through Walmart when I'm starving and buy a pizza and enough wine to get me through my next paycheck. Like really buy groceries like a grownup. I plan a week's worth of dinners and lunches and buy groceries accordingly. The quality of my dinners may not quite be that grown-up, but still, I'm doing it. We have dinner every night (usually homemade) and are spending no more than $50 a week on grocery shopping. Yay me! 

Second, being married is amazing. Absolutely amazing. I was so worried that it would be so hard to go from completely independent to completely dependent, but it really wasn't that bad. Don't get me wrong, I had my meltdown the Monday after the honeymoon when I was trying to unpack my boxes and figure out where I was going to put 50 pounds of shoes in a 1 pound closet. Luke has been amazing. He has never pressured me to get a job just simply because we need the money. He was completely supportive of me waiting to find what I wanted. I was so worried I would be a horrible home maker and wife that he would change his mind about me. But our house could be disgusting and we could have cereal for dinner every night and it wouldn't matter one bit to him. (usually I'm super feminist, but I didn't want him to immediately regret his decision, geez)

Anyways, this is really just a rant about how I was so SO afraid of not being ready to "lose" myself to marriage, when really I've found a person I'm completely in love with..

My new grown-up self.

Who I've always been..

It's 2:30 in the morning one week before I'm supposed to walk down the aisle and change my life forever. Not just my life, Luke's, my family's lives, his family's lives, our friends' lives. And I'm starting to freak out. A smidge. Ok, a giant smidge. A huge pit in my stomach. But this is normal right? Everyone feels this way, right? That's what women have told me. But Luke? He's great! Not a care in the world. Which should make me feel great, the fact that my love has no doubts whatsoever about our new life changes. But instead I feel even worse because if he's so sure of this, why am I having these doubts? I feel guilty almost for worrying, which in turn makes me feel worse. I can't wait to be married, but what if I'm horrible at it? What if it's not like we think it will be and one day he changes his mind? Or what if I do? I knew from the moment I met Luke that he was going to be the one to change my life, but am I ready to let go of who I've always been? I've been Kendle Sisk for 23 years and I think she's pretty awesome, but in one week I will be Kendle Starcher and who is she? I guess in ways I'm nothing like the girl who scrambled to leave this town in the dust 5 years ago, but I'm also still a lot like her. I still feel more lost than I do found most of the time. I still have no idea what I'm heading towards, what my end goal will be. The girl that left was reckless, fearless, scared, tired, frustrated, rebellious, broken, lost, and looking to never return. I was running headlong into the wind and I was free. Now all I do is try and please everyone, try to cooperate and say all the right things and do all the right things. In Greenville I had my friends, my job, my home, my life. Now, I just have Luke. As exciting as that should be, I've never not had a backup plan or had my own thing going on and all I feel is terrified. I know once the wedding is over and we can settle into a routine, I'll be fine. I'll have a house to work on, recipes to learn, and a new life to begin. It's just all of this wedding stress from my loony bin family that is making me feel like I'm drowning. At the end of the day, I love Luke and I know that's all that matters. I just have to get this wedding over with.

No one ever tells you that growing up is as hard as it is.

19 days and counting...

If you're anything like me, you loooove a good ridiculous TLC special. Hence my title today, with a nod towards those crazy Duggers! Anyway, today I found myself being sucked into "Here Come's Honey Boo Boo". It was like a slow motion horrifying train wreck, I wanted to look away and change the channel, but I just couldn't. They were at a redneck reunion of sorts and having belly flop contests and bobbing for pig's feet. It was incredible! If you are not familiar with Honey Boo Boo, she is one of the stars of Toddler's and Tiaras, and she is straight craaaazy!! A good example of that is below. You can thank me later.

On to other fun topics, my bachelorette party was two weekends ago and it was soooooo much fun! My amazing best and oldest friend, Lindsey, organized everything and it was such a blast. We all met in Raleigh at the hotel and started out with drinks and some much needed girl talk. We then went to a pole dancing class at Triangle Pole Fitness and really enjoyed it! The instructor was awesome and we all left thoroughly sore but feeling sassy! We had dinner at The Cheesecake Factory and went on to this bar downtown called Solas. I had so much fun and it was so wonderful to get all the girls together. Last weekend Lindsey also threw a bachelorette party for her college friend,  Tiffany, who is getting married at the end of September in Charlotte. Linds is pulling double MOH duties during the month of September! We had dinner at Blackfinn's in the Epicenter (which was delicious!!) and then went up to Suite. Suite thinks an awful lot of themselves to not have any seating you don't have to pay for and expensive beers so instead of hanging around there, we went next door to Howl At The Moon and had a blast! They have a live piano band that can literally play any song you request and super cheap drink specials. 

This past weekend, my aunts threw Luke and I a "His & Her's Fiesta" at the lake house and it was so wonderful. We got all kinds of goodies! Now I just have to get on top of writing all those thank you notes and figuring out how we're going to squeeze our stuff into our tiny house!

What have you been doing with your weekends?

What I've been doing...

If you follow me on instagram (@kendlehollis) my life seems pretty interesting. In reality, I don't do much. Right now my days consist of some serious wedding crafting, craigslist searching, application filling out, and trying to come up with a new business venture. I've decided I'm going to start my own company because I don't want to live my life trying to meet someone else's standards and build their business. I want to build my business and always be proud of what I'm doing. Anyways, enough serious talk for now. On to important topics!

Next Saturday night is my Bachelorette Party and I am getting soooo excited! My best friend Lindsey is an amazing planner and she literally has this party down to a science. I found some really fun Bachelorette Scavenger Hunts today online for us to try and complete while we are out. It's going to be so fun to get all the girls together in a worry free environment. We are meeting in Raleigh since it's the most central location to all of us at a hotel to get ready and socialize for a few hours. Then we are going to a pole dancing class at this really fun looking place, then dinner and out to a bar or two. It's going to be a new experience for all of us and I think it's really going to be fun. Of course I will happily report back on everything! Til then, this is what I've been doing (and taking pictures of) lately....

It's getting real.

Tonight I had my bridal portraits done around my house by the lovely Anne Abernathy of Stanley. It was so much fun! Planning a wedding is overwhelming, especially if you add in the constant reminder of unemployment. Ugh, such an ugly word isn't it?!? So it was really nice to be able to take a day and just be excited. This morning my grandmother came over and helped finish my dress as my mom and I made my veil. I'm really excited to see how my pictures turned out. All last week I worked on my wine bottles and ordered more peacock feathers (from wholesalefloral.com) and my favors (which I am stoked about!). Today was a refreshing reminder that it's all going to be worth it in the end.

Oh, and that one picture is just of my adorable Albert. He's my rescue who hails from Wilson. He took his playtime to the extreme!

I'm really trying not to get frustrated,

with the never ending-always-disappointing job search, but seriously, it's a bit overwhelming. So instead, I've thrown myself in every other possible direction. I've had some success with selling items on ebay. Especially since everything I've been selling I was just going to throw away anyway. I've made roughly $100 but it's taken me a month! I've also taken wedding decorations by storm and scrubbed off the labels of 200-ish wine bottles. This week I plan on finishing all the boutonnieres and bouquets. Mom and I have been slowly re-doing her house, last week was spent working on the kitchen, which I must say is turning out quite well. I know Luke is trying to be patient with me, but I also know I'm on a timeline here. He's trying not to show how stressed out he's getting about bills and being able to do the things we want to do. I just keep hoping and praying something turns up soon!