Who I've always been..

It's 2:30 in the morning one week before I'm supposed to walk down the aisle and change my life forever. Not just my life, Luke's, my family's lives, his family's lives, our friends' lives. And I'm starting to freak out. A smidge. Ok, a giant smidge. A huge pit in my stomach. But this is normal right? Everyone feels this way, right? That's what women have told me. But Luke? He's great! Not a care in the world. Which should make me feel great, the fact that my love has no doubts whatsoever about our new life changes. But instead I feel even worse because if he's so sure of this, why am I having these doubts? I feel guilty almost for worrying, which in turn makes me feel worse. I can't wait to be married, but what if I'm horrible at it? What if it's not like we think it will be and one day he changes his mind? Or what if I do? I knew from the moment I met Luke that he was going to be the one to change my life, but am I ready to let go of who I've always been? I've been Kendle Sisk for 23 years and I think she's pretty awesome, but in one week I will be Kendle Starcher and who is she? I guess in ways I'm nothing like the girl who scrambled to leave this town in the dust 5 years ago, but I'm also still a lot like her. I still feel more lost than I do found most of the time. I still have no idea what I'm heading towards, what my end goal will be. The girl that left was reckless, fearless, scared, tired, frustrated, rebellious, broken, lost, and looking to never return. I was running headlong into the wind and I was free. Now all I do is try and please everyone, try to cooperate and say all the right things and do all the right things. In Greenville I had my friends, my job, my home, my life. Now, I just have Luke. As exciting as that should be, I've never not had a backup plan or had my own thing going on and all I feel is terrified. I know once the wedding is over and we can settle into a routine, I'll be fine. I'll have a house to work on, recipes to learn, and a new life to begin. It's just all of this wedding stress from my loony bin family that is making me feel like I'm drowning. At the end of the day, I love Luke and I know that's all that matters. I just have to get this wedding over with.

No one ever tells you that growing up is as hard as it is.

What I've been doing...

If you follow me on instagram (@kendlehollis) my life seems pretty interesting. In reality, I don't do much. Right now my days consist of some serious wedding crafting, craigslist searching, application filling out, and trying to come up with a new business venture. I've decided I'm going to start my own company because I don't want to live my life trying to meet someone else's standards and build their business. I want to build my business and always be proud of what I'm doing. Anyways, enough serious talk for now. On to important topics!

Next Saturday night is my Bachelorette Party and I am getting soooo excited! My best friend Lindsey is an amazing planner and she literally has this party down to a science. I found some really fun Bachelorette Scavenger Hunts today online for us to try and complete while we are out. It's going to be so fun to get all the girls together in a worry free environment. We are meeting in Raleigh since it's the most central location to all of us at a hotel to get ready and socialize for a few hours. Then we are going to a pole dancing class at this really fun looking place, then dinner and out to a bar or two. It's going to be a new experience for all of us and I think it's really going to be fun. Of course I will happily report back on everything! Til then, this is what I've been doing (and taking pictures of) lately....

It's getting real.

Tonight I had my bridal portraits done around my house by the lovely Anne Abernathy of Stanley. It was so much fun! Planning a wedding is overwhelming, especially if you add in the constant reminder of unemployment. Ugh, such an ugly word isn't it?!? So it was really nice to be able to take a day and just be excited. This morning my grandmother came over and helped finish my dress as my mom and I made my veil. I'm really excited to see how my pictures turned out. All last week I worked on my wine bottles and ordered more peacock feathers (from wholesalefloral.com) and my favors (which I am stoked about!). Today was a refreshing reminder that it's all going to be worth it in the end.

Oh, and that one picture is just of my adorable Albert. He's my rescue who hails from Wilson. He took his playtime to the extreme!

I just want to take a minute to brag

About Wedding Paper Divas! I first heard of them from a friend who ordered some birthday invites through their sister company, tinyprints.com. I ordered my Save-the-date cards first and was so thrilled with the quality and the uniqueness of the cards. They arrived really fast and the prices were great. It's wedding season and everyone I visit has multiple save-the-date cards on their refrigerators and i must say that my card is definitely one of the best. (I know I'm a smidge bias...) After such a great experience with my date cards, I decided to order my invites from there as well. I had searched high and low, in store and online for the perfect invite. I wanted something completely fresh and new and different from all the standard wedding invites everyone else has. I found exactly what I was looking for on weddingpaperdivas.com. The best part was, I could order samples of any invite before placing a huge order. I got 10 free samples and was able to see exactly what my cards would look like. At the time I placed my order, WPD was running several promotions and I ended up getting almost $100 off my total by being able to combine the promotions. I had the final copies in my hands days before my estimated delivery time. I just wanted them to know that have one super happy customer and I will recommend them to anyone. So if you're in the market for any type of wedding paper or really any type of printed works (they have tiny prints for parties, baby announcements, and thank you cards, Treat for greeting cards and even Business Tiny Prints for any business need!) check out WPD and I promise you will love them as much as I do!