It sorta snuck up on me...

I am an old married lady!

This wasn't supposed to happen to me!
But today, I went shopping with one of my best friends, and was back in my house at 6:30, and was exhausted! I am such a loser! Well, maybe I've always been a loser and just didn't want to admit it.

Anyways, more to my point, earlier Stace and I were talking about how we seriously need to start exercising. I'm not really any bigger than I've always been, I'm just a completely different shape! And I have no idea when this happened. Well, it might have something to do with the fact that I sit at my desk in front of a computer pretty much non-stop from 7:30 am to about 5:30 pm every day, drive home, make dinner, sit on the couch eating said dinner and then remain sitting on the couch with Luke while we watch the news and then our shows until it's time to take a shower and go to bed.
But seriously, this is getting unacceptable.

So while we were shopping, we decided to change things so we bought some really inspiring Under Armour  tights/leggings from Belk to get us off the couch and in the working out mood. Since it's rare that I get the house to myself for a few hours, when I came home, I pulled on my new tights and started youtubing workout videos.

I did two 10 minute yoga videos by Tara Stiles (look her up!) and then, feeling fit and brave, I clicked on a 7 minute video titled "Love your Legs routine with Karena". Mistake. First off, the first 2 minutes are of these gorgeous-super-fit-big-boobed-tiny-waisted girls running around in bikinis on the beach. I felt like a beached whale. Then you get to the video and she's wearing some sort of push up sports bra, tights, and leg warmers. She's gorgeous. Flash over to me in my leggings, baggy hoodie and pony tail, it's disappointing to say the least. She does a few floor routines flashing her million dollar perfectly white smile the whole time. She doesn't even look flustered. I'm sweaty and gasping for breath. It's just sad really. 

So now I'm on to the next challenge. I need to just find a workout class near me so that I can be surrounded by other people trying, no just my own heavy breathing and the two dogs in the living room. What is your favorite type of workout? Give a girl some suggestions!

Who I've always been..

It's 2:30 in the morning one week before I'm supposed to walk down the aisle and change my life forever. Not just my life, Luke's, my family's lives, his family's lives, our friends' lives. And I'm starting to freak out. A smidge. Ok, a giant smidge. A huge pit in my stomach. But this is normal right? Everyone feels this way, right? That's what women have told me. But Luke? He's great! Not a care in the world. Which should make me feel great, the fact that my love has no doubts whatsoever about our new life changes. But instead I feel even worse because if he's so sure of this, why am I having these doubts? I feel guilty almost for worrying, which in turn makes me feel worse. I can't wait to be married, but what if I'm horrible at it? What if it's not like we think it will be and one day he changes his mind? Or what if I do? I knew from the moment I met Luke that he was going to be the one to change my life, but am I ready to let go of who I've always been? I've been Kendle Sisk for 23 years and I think she's pretty awesome, but in one week I will be Kendle Starcher and who is she? I guess in ways I'm nothing like the girl who scrambled to leave this town in the dust 5 years ago, but I'm also still a lot like her. I still feel more lost than I do found most of the time. I still have no idea what I'm heading towards, what my end goal will be. The girl that left was reckless, fearless, scared, tired, frustrated, rebellious, broken, lost, and looking to never return. I was running headlong into the wind and I was free. Now all I do is try and please everyone, try to cooperate and say all the right things and do all the right things. In Greenville I had my friends, my job, my home, my life. Now, I just have Luke. As exciting as that should be, I've never not had a backup plan or had my own thing going on and all I feel is terrified. I know once the wedding is over and we can settle into a routine, I'll be fine. I'll have a house to work on, recipes to learn, and a new life to begin. It's just all of this wedding stress from my loony bin family that is making me feel like I'm drowning. At the end of the day, I love Luke and I know that's all that matters. I just have to get this wedding over with.

No one ever tells you that growing up is as hard as it is.

Oh the places you'll go!

So about my big adventure.... Friday morning I got up at 5 a.m. so I could be at the train station in Charlotte by 6:15. I took the Amtrak for the first time ever and it was really a lot of fun. Definitely better than driving alone. I got to Wilson just before 11:30, and my love, Ashley picked me up. We went on to Greenville and made a day of it! We had fried sushi for lunch, got her car inspected, swung by the store so I could pick up some wine bottles from Lindsay, and sat at Sonic drinking happy hour slushies until Stacey left from her last day at work. As it turns out, she is also moving back home. Ironically enough it is for completely different reasons but our homes aren't too far apart and we're both looking to start new lives. We packed up the remainder of Stacey's things, got ready and had a goodbye celebration at Winslow's. Once again, it was so good to see everyone but it was even more bittersweet knowing that this time was seriously the last time. Stace and I loaded up her car Saturday morning and with Greenville forever in our dust, headed back west.

Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon, Luke and I spent with his best friend and his family. His friend's father passed away earlier in the week after complications from an ATV wreck. It was really just an unbelievable tragedy. My heart goes out to them.

Monday night Luke was working out of town and Lindsey's dad was gone on a motorcycle ride, so we threw ourselves a good old fashioned girls night. We drank Sangria, creeped on Facebook, gossiped about all the news that has happened since we last spoke, planned out bachelorette details and had a dance-a-thon. I was so sore when I woke up Tuesday morning. There was a "Pretty Little Liars" marathon on all day Tuesday, so of course she got me addicted. It's just so strange to think that even after all the changes we've experienced in the last few months, that even more will change in the few months ahead. Our girls nights are going to be few and far between, but we better grasp the opportunity every time we can. Friends like this are hard to come by.

I tried to capture random moments of my trips to share with y'all, but as you can see, I'm horrible at always having my camera ready.